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by By Cheryl Solimini (Women's Day Magazine)
Meryl Beck of Ashburn, Virginia, is having one of those days every mom can relate to. “Put your toys away!” “Brush your teeth right now!” “Stop fighting!” She’s done nothing but bark orders at her two sons from the moment they woke up, and she’s had it. Finally, she snaps at them, “I don’t like you very much right now!” The minute the words escape her lips, Meryl is consumed with guilt, calling herself a “bad mom.” But is she?
The idea that a “good mom” always feels positively toward her children, no matter how much they test her patience, is just one of the many myths of motherhood, says psychologist Diane Sanford, PhD, health expert for the American Psychological Association. “Women tend to compare and measure themselves against unrealistic images and then feel they fall short.” From ads that feature picture-perfect mothers, to bestselling books that promise a foolproof formula for raising exceptional kids, to celebrity moms who seem to do it all with ease, experts and mothers alike agree that “mythic” images are all around us.
Even the next-door neighbor, who may be just as harried as we are, seems to have it all together — at least that’s what many of us think. The truth is, our neighbor probably has the same skewed view of us. “The whole Superwoman idea has gotten stronger and is more oppressive than it has ever been,” says Dr. Sanford. Mothers, much more than fathers, are supposed to know the “right” stroller, or “best” school, or “most enriching” activities. And if we don’t, we worry that we’re going to mess up our kids.
Whether this pressure to get it right comes from media messages or our own inner expectations, it’s there, nagging us to be the best. The result? “You end up feeling exhausted and anxious, much more than is necessary,” says Paula J. Caplan, PhD, a clinical psychologist at Harvard and author of Don’t Blame Mother.
Give yourself a break, Mom! Once you take a close look at some common motherhood myths, you’ll discover that they’re really more fiction than fact.
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